With snow being forecast for tomorrow, I find myself yearning for a lazy summer afternoon of laying on the grass staring at cotton-ball clouds float merrily past. The sort where staring at the clouds turns into daydreams.
Then again, I've been having enough daydreams of my own lately -- just not the sort found on summer afternoons. More of a working out of all sorts of issues. I am guessing this results from months of being far too busy turning into merely just sort of too busy. With some "extra" time on my hands, I now have the opportunity to process life. Unfortunately, it does not often take a linear approach.
What does a good Mennonite girl do when she finds she is no longer attending church regularly? How does she manage the loss of culture and identity? What happens to faith? Can she reconcile the dichotomy?
Where will she manage to find the desired bedside tables? Something more than a $15 shelf from the department store but less than the typical $300 furniture store ones?
Why does "well-accomplished for her age" sometimes sound like a burden rather than a blessing? Sometimes she worries that she is inadequate for the (many) tasks at hand.
Is she a good friend? Does she make enough time to maintain relationships? Has she called, remembered birthdays, sent thoughtful gifts, provided opportunity for real conversation? Is she vulnerable enough and does she let others take care of her? Can she balance family, friends and dating? Is she a good girlfriend?
Is she the best she can be in her profession? Does she manage her finances appropriately? Should be involved in more philanthropy? What happens in the moments when she isn't really such a nice person? What sort of person doesn't wash the dishes, iron the laundry, make the bed, vacuum the floors and make a good dinner on a regular enough basis? Is it healthy not to tell people when you are scared or lonely or overwhelmed or just want/need a hug?
Sometimes the questions outnumber the answers. Sometimes there are sufficient answers. And sometimes you learn to ask better questions.