My body is one tense ball of tenseness. I dissociate and tell myself a cry would do me good, and yet a cry would be unpredictable; who knows what would be let loose. I have become reclusive as well.
Monday and Tuesday were busy days at work. Yesterday and today were even busier. I finally got lunch and a bathroom break (both of the last 2 days) at 3pm for about 20 minutes. I stayed upto an hour after the end of my shift. And it really felt like I was getting the bare minimum completed. Orders got entered. I didn't take breaks because yesterday and today the nurses were complaining about meds not coming up soon enough. So to avoid conflict (that I knew I wouldn't handle very well), I tucked myself in front of a computer and entered orders. I flipped frantically through charts trying to find the information I needed to ensure the actual meds or doses or durations or whatever was correct.
I'm sorry. I really don't like venting about my work, especially if you don't know what I do. A previous mentor told me that even on the crappy days you should be able to find one good thing that happened and focus on that instead. So, I guess I should be telling myself that I confirmed many patient were getting the appropriate medications at the appropriate doses and intervals. I smiled at people in the hallways. Another pharmacist told me I was doing a thorough job on the units I was covering today. I discovered that there was a deal on pizza tonight so I dodn't have to cook.
I wish my friends weren't so far away. Sometimes phone calls and emails just don't cut it.