So as I've mentioned, I went home for a bit over the long weekend. Lots happened, and since I'm so good at procrastinating, I think I may have forgotten a whole bunch of it. But here it goes...
My brother and I came to the conclusion that the grad celebration our parents had for us was quite similar to a wake. There was a memorial board depicting our childhood and accomplishments. Our friends and family were in attendance. People read tributes about us. Some people cried. And there was lots of food. The bro' and I got a good chuckle out of it all. (And a big thanks to all who came - it was wonderful to see you.)
Shannon and I had a good talk about how things were. I admit it's hard without a 'community', but I shouldn't use that as an excuse. At one point Shannon mentioned the fact that manna in the desert filled the need but not all of the desires. The point of the comment is that maybe I have all that I need right now. There was a guest speaker in church on Sunday - "doing more with less" ... with the example of Gideon's army. So everything together seems to kind of hit me. God does that sometimes: tries to hammer something into my head.
There has been so much going through my head lately. Did I make the right decision in coming to Winnipeg? Is my gut right that maybe it was a good decision, but maybe not the best one. Should I have postponed this residency and gone on that missions trip? Should I have gotten a 'real' job? Am I really supposed to be a pharmacist?
Then again I was pretty sure this past year was supposed to be about fasting. And perhaps it was. But maybe I didn't get it, so God extended the year a bit. To show me what was distracting me from Him: the community which I held onto so tightly needed/needs to go. And I keep thinking that I really just can't do this. I also feel that I don't have the time to fall apart right now and let God build me up. I need the permeation of God.
In my devotional today (Matthew 14:23-33) Jesus says to Peter, "Come". So then I question what I was really supposed to be doing this year. But Jesus also says, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" So maybe this is about faith.